The Fly Column: Adam Clayton and Naomi Campbell

"Yo Dudes! It's 'The Fly,' bringing you the coolest news, views, and blues from behind the shades of the sweaty Rock Beast!"

Special congratulations go to Adam Clayton for being the millionth Rock star to marry a Supermodel. Using our special method of hacking into the main computer of the ZOO TV network, we are able to bring you the highlights of Adam and Naomi Campbell’s wedding night as seen through a hidden camcorder...

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NAOMI: Adam, honey-bunny, play that bass line from Pride to me again!

ADAM: Say, Naomi dearest, wouldnt you, er, gulp!...like me to do something else?

NAOMI: Now that you mention it, Adam, my little chickadee, there is something missing. You know black people like lots of rhythm...

ADAM: Why don’t I just go and wake up Larry then?!

LARRY: I was just listening on the other side of the door, and I couldn’t help overhearing...

NAOMI: Hi, Larrreee! Why don't you set your kit up over there, next to all those silly wedding presents Robert De Niro sent me...Now where are the other boys?
BONO crawls out from under the bed followed by THE EDGE
THE EDGE: Beejaysus! We woudn't miss our man Adam's wedding for all the Trabants in East Germany.

BONO: Where's the phone? I want to phone up Bill Clinton and order some pizzas!

NAOMI: Yipppeee!!! You can all serenade me with my favourite song!

BONO: Er...what might that be?

NAOMI: Oh, Up On The Catwalk of course.

BONO: Say Edge, isn’t that one of the songs from the new album?

THE EDGE: Um...I’m afraid not.

NAOMI [horrified]: You mean you’re NOT Simple Minds?!

BONO: Of course not! We’re the greatest bunch of post-modernist
pranksters of the 20th Century.
As Bono starts to film a close-up of his crotch with his camcorder and set fire to a giant revolving swastika, there is a sudden knock on the door, "1,000,000 pizzas for a Mister Bono!"
BONO: Oh No! They've caught up with me. Quick Edge, let's disappear into Cyber-Space!

The Fly
Riff Raff
August, 1993
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