The Fly Column: Nevermind the Boll**ks

Scene: Courtney Love turns up on Axl Rose's doorstep in LA. She rings the doorbell, which is answered by Duff.

Courtney: Hi Duff. Is Axl there?

Duff: Uh...Oh, yeah.

Courtney: Cool, but first things first.

Courtney grabs Duff lustily. She then walks into a room and bumps into Axl playing piano.

Courtney: Gee Axl, I'm just off the Lollapalooza tour in Oz, and I haven't had a man since Duff answered the door.

Duff's fallen asleep with a joint in his mouth.

Axl: Shut up bitch! I'm trying to compose another overwrought romantic ballad with Elton John.

Courtney [looking at a small, hairy object on the ground]: Oh what a cute, little hamster!

Axl: That's not a f**kin' hamster. That's Elton's toupee. He's just gone to the john.

Courtney: Gee Axl, you've got the same sad, lost look in your eyes that Kurt used to have.

Axl: Back off bitch!

Courtney [lovey dovey]: Oh Axl, let me run my hands through your lank, blonde hair.

Axl: It ain't blonde bitch. It's red, like my temper will be if you don't stop messing with my karma!

Courtney: Why don't you play some grunge chords on that guitar over there.

Axl [gets off his piano stool]: OK bitch, you think I can't rock. I'll show you.

Axl sings like Bob Dylan.

Courtney: Hey Axl, is your back hurting? Here, take some smack.

Axl: I don't do that shit no more, but give me some anyway... Hey, I'm getting the urge to write really negative lyrics suddenly.

Courtney: Oh really? Maybe you'd like to use this shotgun as an arty prop.

Axl: I've already written a song called 'Shotgun Blues' bitch!

Courtney: You asshole! You f**kin asshole!!!

Axl: It's Axl actually. Why don't you crawl back into your hole!

Courtney picks up the shotgun and blows Axl away. She wipes the handle, puts it in Axl's hands and leaves...Duff wakes up.

Duff: Huh...Hey Axl, what's goin' on?!

The Fly
Riff Raff
Share on Google Plus


Post a Comment